For all my momma’s out there who struggle (so, I mean all of you), please know that you are not alone. Every day I see moms ‘s out there who are battling with the same struggles we all face and too ashamed to speak up and share about them openly – afraid that they’ll be judged, chastised, or left feeling like they’re just failing at this whole mom thing.
I hate this.
It really makes me sad that so many of us mom’s are feeling like we’re drowning half the time, wondering what we’re doing wrong or why it’s so hard for us when everyone else seems to be just breezing through it… when in reality, everyone else is having the same experience!!
Maybe we don’t feel like that every day, but I guarantee you we all can relate to that feeling at some point in our journey as a parent. And when we don’t share it and instead we bottle it up inside because we’re afraid of what other people will think, it starts making us feel incredibly isolated and alone. Which of course just leads to more self-destructive thoughts and habits and even depression. (Sound familiar?)
Trust me, I know. I’ve been there.
Listen, being a mom these days is super, crazy hard!! It’s by far the most challenging thing I’ve ever experienced and I come from a broken childhood with all kinds of associated baggage. This stigma that exists in our culture that we must be this “personification of perfection” as a mom is so false, disingenuous and is so misleading compared to the actual experience of it.
The pressure that exists these days to be this mom who has it all figured out – who looks beautiful in curled hair and makeup while feeding their children organic, gluten-free bird snacks, fluent in baby sign language, practicing “positive parenting” techniques at all times, never loosing their cool, maintaining a healthy exercise routine – all while smiling, saying nothing but beautiful and wonderful things about parenting and boasting about how much they just LOVE being a mom… oh and of course, never ever letting their kids have screen time or watch TV…
(Please cue the long sigh followed by a great, big, enormous eye-roll!)
Where did this idealism of barfy perfectionism even come from!? It is total B.S.
Even though all of those ideals are amazing things to strive for (I want those things too), no parent needs to be all of this, especially not 100% of the time.
You bet I try my best to feed my son a balanced diet and to give him as many healthy meals and snacks as possible. But there has also been times where I’ve driven him through McDonalds for some chicken nuggets because I was beyond exhausted and days when all he would eat was cheddar bunny crackers no matter how hard I tried.
And yes of course! We probably shouldn’t let our kids sit in front of the TV all day long everyday and we should be mindful about how much screen time they get – absolutely. That is important. But let me be the first one to admit it if I have to. Do I let my son watch cartoons in the mornings so I can sneak in a moment of “me time” and wake up slowly with a cup of coffee?? Or plop him in front of a movie at night so that I can drink a much-needed glass of wine undistrubed and cook dinner?? HELL YES. I do. Because I need to create moments for myself somehow. I need that to create BALANCE.
So please, let’s start being honest and transparent with one another about what parenting is really like without the b.s. and the fluff. Let’s start being more open about the corners we all cut here and there so that we don’t go crazy, and come together as a community to build one another up!!
Because when we allow ourselves to share openly about our experiences as a parent, it works miracles. Honesty breeds more honesty and with it, vulnerability – so instantly, a sacred space can be created between people for safe, mutual truth-telling without all the fear of judgement or being made to look stupid. It says “Hey, I’m someone who tells it like it is and so you can too.” No need to hide behind a facade and play games. I’m a real person.
We are all in this together you guys. We are doing the best we can. Period. If we love our kids and we do our damnedest to show them that every day, than we are doing enough. You aren’t crazy for having “those thoughts” from time to time and you certainly aren’t crazy for taking short cuts here and there in an attempt to create balance in your hectic, chaotic life.
You are a GREAT MOM. Remember that.